Neurodiverse Couples Counseling
What is a neurodiverse relationship?
A neurodiverse relationship is any relationship where the partners’ neurotypes differ from each other. This includes relationships where one or both partners have Autism, Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), and/or Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. You or your partner may be neurotypical, or you may have the same or different diagnoses. Even two people sharing the same diagnosis may experience a neurodiverse relationship because expressions and presentations can vary so widely among individuals.
What is Neurodiverse Couples Counseling?
Neurodiverse Couples Counseling is a non-stigmatizing approach to exploring relationship challenges from a neurological lens. The approach involves three stages:
Help neurodiverse couples recognize traits of neurodivergence and neurodiversity in themselves and/or their partners and explore common neurodiverse relationship patterns that may have emerged for them. This exploration is nonjudgmental; it simply allowes for deeper understanding between partners.
Bring couples to understand their relationship challenges in the context of neurological differences between them, including differences in processing styles, communication patterns, and intimacy needs.
Treat problems in a manner that affirms both partners as they are while allowing them to overcome difficulties in their relationship and feel closer to each other.
Do I/we need a diagnosis to participate in Neurodiverse Couples Counseling?
No, you do not need a diagnosis. Many couples begin Neurodiverse Couples Counseling not knowing if one or both of them qualifies for a diagnosis. As I learn more about each of you and the experiences you have in your relationship, I may offer screenings or recommend further inquiry into the diagnostic process. A diagnosis is never required, but many people find it helpful to better understand their wiring.
How is Neurodiverse Couples Counseling different from other forms of couples counseling?
The Neurodiverse Couples Counseling model is unique in the field of couples therapy because it honors neurological differences in relationships. Other forms of couples counseling do not take these factors into account. This can lead neurodiverse couples to invest significant time and money on couples counseling approaches that fail to meet their needs.
What do clients say about Neurodiverse Couples Counseling?
Many clients express great relief when they start to understand their relationship in the context of neurodiversity. If they tried other forms of counseling in the past, they may feel frustration or disappointment that prior therapists did not bring up neurodiversity or offer tools that take the needs of neurodiverse couples into account.
Will you try to change my partner or me?
This question comes up often. I am not really focused on trying to change you, but change may happen regardless. I assume you are exploring Neurodiverse Couples Counseling because something about your current relationship is not working. So we will explore your comfort levels with trying some things differently.
Our goals are to strengthen mutual understanding between you and your partner and to bring more ease into your conflict resolution processes. As you engage in Neurodiverse Couples Counseling, you may notice our exercises do a better job than your previous strategies at improving relationship satisfaction.
If no change happens, you may wonder if I am failing at my job. But the change should feel attuned and aligned with your needs. We will move at a pace that feels comfortable to both of you. If an exercise is not working, we will view that as an important data point and shift our approach as needed.
Will we meet together or separately?
Either way — whatever works best for the two of you. Sometimes a mix of both works really well. Joint sessions offer a chance to practice skills and receive my feedback in realtime. Individual sessions allow you to dive deeper without worrying about the impact on your partner. Even in individual sessions, I am focused holistically on your partner and your relationship.
Work with a Certified Neurodiverse Couples Counselor
I am certified in Neurodiverse Couples Counseling by the Association for Autism and Neurodiversity (AANE). AANE is a wonderful organization that offers information, support groups, training, and coaching for Autistic individuals and their families, including partners, parents, and children. To inquire about my Neurodiverse Couples Counseling services, I invite you to set up a time for both of you to attend a complimentary phone consultation.
