Online Intimacy from the Inside Out (IFIO) Therapy for Couples in Washington State

You are clear on what is wrong in your relationship. If only your partner would stop triggering you – stop using those specific words or doing that one thing – you would not be left reeling or feeling like the rug was just pulled out from under your feet. But despite this knowledge of precisely where your relationship falls short, the moments of outrage, escalation, withdrawal, and shutdown remain as painful as ever. 

There is a difference between cognitively understanding your challenging relationship dynamics and accessing the capacity to change. IFIO bridges that gap by offering another way. IFIO can teach you to be more present with yourself and access more choice in how you respond to triggers by your partner.

IFIO is a non-pathologizing couples therapy model that deepens connections with self and others. It utilizes gentle tools to increase insight and foster healing of emotional wounds arising in relationships, allowing couples to disrupt destructive patterns and shift towards deeper alignment. IFIO is different from other couples therapy models because it asks each of you to turn towards your own experiences rather than focusing on what is happening for your partner.

How does it work? We start with your individual and shared goals. Gaining clarification of your goals allows us to proceed with mutual understanding and consent about where we choose to focus our efforts and attention to make change. We start here because change is a big lift for both of you. We are rewiring patterns that have been in place for a long time. Without consent, we stall out in the early stages of this work. 

Next, the therapist will ask you to identify an issue you want to work on in the session. Each of you will have a chance to briefly describe your side of the story and how this issue affects you. The therapist will then ask each of you, one at a time, to go deeper into your internal experience and mentally trace the connection between your feelings, thoughts, and actions.

Couples often find this exercise different from other conversations about relationship conflicts where the focus tends to be outward on our partners, away from ourselves. The IFIO exploration builds a muscle of internal focus to increase self understanding. By creating space to witness your internal examination and listen to you share your observations, we also increase your partner’s understanding of you.

We then explore the impact of your actions on your partner’s internal experiences, including their resulting feelings, thoughts, and actions. Then back to you, until all three of us are clear on what this dance looks like between the two of you. 

IFIO gently pushes you to take better care of yourself in relationship. When you do so, you naturally find that you become less reliant on your partner to care for you, and you can be more present with them.